Sunday, September 2, 2012

On Loving My Man

Truth: There is nothing sexier in the whole wide world than a man who loves his kids. End of story.
That's not really the end of the story, though. 

Another truth: I am a disorganized, scatterbrained, sometimes unbathed, exhausted mess, lately.
I've also been known to struggle with a bit of OCD and anxiety... So, letting go and letting live is something that's hard for me, because it sometimes has an end (or middle) result of the disorganization that drives me so batsh*t crazy. In the midst of my pretty much begging to stay at home to raise our kids, Hubs decided to take on a second job. He now works 7 days a week and is only home for dinner on weekends. And I get to be home with our girls. Yet, I still have the audacity to get mad at him when the dishes aren't done. Yes, you read me right. Go ahead and say it. I can already hear you. 
WHAT is wrong with that woman?
I'm still learning. I'm learning what he's doing so that I can follow my dream of staying home. I'm learning that the split down the middle (which, let's be honest, was never really a 50/50 split) of chores is more like 90/10, now. And that's because my husband leaves the house at 6:30 in the morning and doesn't come back until after 8:30 at night. And he sacrifices his weekends to make extra cash so I don't have to. And so Little S can start pre-primary at Montessori on Tuesday. And so we can afford to take our kids to the doctor appointments and I can make healthy meals. 

Hell, it's HARD. Being a stay at home mom is everything I've ever wanted, but it's hard and it's lonely... and it's kind of like prison sometimes. Not like I'm locked up, but, well... like I'm locked up. Bean is a ticking time bomb and I truly don't ever know how long it'll be before she needs to be fed, again. So, I pretty much don't leave the house. It's a million and eight degrees with fifty jillion percent humidity, so we don't really go outside much. And honestly, I love my kids, but by the end of the day, I just want ten quiet minutes to myself so I can shower with the curtain closed. (Anyone else take prison showers that last 3 minutes, curtains open, infant eyeballs burning through you?)
But every single second is so worth it. These baby girls are my world.

PLUS my wonderful man. And not only does he drop everything and take on a second job so I can be Mommy, Mommy, Mommy. Not only does he take my criticisms and stay calm. No, he falls asleep on the sofa after dinner and I usually have to wake him to come to bed. I used to be so frustrated with that, because I want to fall asleep at 9 pm, too! But who can be frustrated with a man who works his donkey off so his wife can stay home? And who can be frustrated with a man who loves his babies so much that even if he's exhausted after working 14 and 15 hour days, he makes sure they are loved and they know his cuddles and his smell. 
I freaking love my man.
 Cuddling Little S in 2009
Cuddling Bean in 2012

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Just like Ke$ha (minus the craziness and whatnot), YOUR LOVE is my drug!