On Loving My Man

Truth: There is nothing sexier in the whole wide world than a man who loves his kids. End of story.

That's not really the end of the story, though. 

Another truth: I am a disorganized, scatterbrained, sometimes unbathed, exhausted mess, lately.

I've also been known to struggle with a bit of OCD and anxiety... So, letting go and letting live is something that's hard for me, because it sometimes has an end (or middle) result of the disorganization that drives me so batsh*t crazy. In the midst of my pretty much begging to stay at home to raise our kids, Hubs decided to take on a second job. He now works 7 days a week and is only home for dinner on weekends. And I get to be home with our girls. Yet, I still have the audacity to get mad at him when the dishes aren't done. Yes, you read me right. Go ahead and say it. I can already hear you. 

WHAT is wrong with that woman?

I'm still learning. I'm learning what he's doing so that I can follow my dream of staying home. I'm learning that the split down the middle (which, let's be honest, was never really a 50/50 split) of chores is more like 90/10, now. And that's because my husband leaves the house at 6:30 in the morning and doesn't come back until after 8:30 at night. And he sacrifices his weekends to make extra cash so I don't have to. And so Little S can start pre-primary at Montessori on Tuesday. And so we can afford to take our kids to the doctor appointments and I can make healthy meals. 

Hell, it's HARD. Being a stay at home mom is everything I've ever wanted, but it's hard and it's lonely... and it's kind of like prison sometimes. Not like I'm locked up, but, well... like I'm locked up. Bean is a ticking time bomb and I truly don't ever know how long it'll be before she needs to be fed, again. So, I pretty much don't leave the house. It's a million and eight degrees with fifty jillion percent humidity, so we don't really go outside much. And honestly, I love my kids, but by the end of the day, I just want ten quiet minutes to myself so I can shower with the curtain closed. (Anyone else take prison showers that last 3 minutes, curtains open, infant eyeballs burning through you?)

But every single second is so worth it. These baby girls are my world.

PLUS my wonderful man. And not only does he drop everything and take on a second job so I can be Mommy, Mommy, Mommy. Not only does he take my criticisms and stay calm. No, he falls asleep on the sofa after dinner and I usually have to wake him to come to bed. I used to be so frustrated with that, because I want to fall asleep at 9 pm, too! But who can be frustrated with a man who works his donkey off so his wife can stay home? And who can be frustrated with a man who loves his babies so much that even if he's exhausted after working 14 and 15 hour days, he makes sure they are loved and they know his cuddles and his smell. 

I freaking love my man.

 Cuddling Little S in 2009

Cuddling Bean in 2012

On Breastfeeding

image via

I guess I'm in a swing and want to share some of my adventures with you. Yesterday, it was cloth diapering. Today, it's breastfeeding. Tomorrow, I'll probably talk about crunchy mothering taking over the world. Okay, no. I will not do that. Promise. Here's the thing: Other than praying for a healthy baby when I was pregnant with Bean, I prayed for a baby who would breastfeed. And I prayed that I would have enough milk and that I could get through the challenges and make it work. You see, I didn't breastfeed Little S. I tried so hard, but lacked knowledge and support, so ended up quitting after about 3 weeks. BUT, I pumped for the entire first year! We did have to supplement a little bit each day (2-4 ounces of formula per day, depending on how old she was). I was really proud of myself for diligently pumping for the entire year so Little S could get all of the benefits of breast milk. But I really felt like I missed out on "that bond" everyone talks about with breastfeeding your baby. Don't get me wrong, I'm SUPER close to my big girl. But I just didn't get to experience that skin-to-skin, baby looking in my eyes while I'm doing something for her that no one else can do feeling. And as much as I tried to enjoy the bottle feedings, knowing she was getting my milk, it was hard to be calm and relax because I knew I'd have to go pump as soon as she was done.

image via

With Bean, I've been so blessed. The beginning was very, very difficult. She nursed around the clock. I mean, if she wasn't velcroed to my boob, she would scream. I don't know if she was working hard to get back up to her birth weight after we came home or if she was needing comfort. She wouldn't sleep unless she was in my arms and I literally thought I wasn't going to make it because I couldn't get a moment to myself. Poor Little S was needing my attention and I cried all the time because I missed her. After all, it'd been a year of me having her 24/7 and then... BOOM. It wasn't just me and her, anymore. She has adjusted well. After Bean turned about 8 weeks old, she started being a tiny bit more independent. She's not had a bottle or pacifier (a blessing and a curse), yet and is almost 11 weeks old. I still can't leave her because she hasn't had a bottle, won't take a pacifier and nurses on demand (I feed her when she's hungry, not on a set schedule). So, I tote an infant with me, everywhere. I have an extra 6-7 ounces of milk to pump after each morning feeding, so I have a great stockpile for emergencies or for when I start feeding her cereal. I'm so thankful to be able to nurse and wish I was more comfortable to do so in public. I'm fine with a wrap or cover, but I wish I was one of those supermoms who just didn't care and could flop my boob out anywhere for the sake of my child's hunger. I usually hide in the air conditioned car.
Bean is now measuring in the 83rd percentile, so she's getting plenty of milk and her night time feedings are becoming few and far between. We shall go forth and conquer!

What challenges and successes have you come across while nursing? 

Little Bean is Famous!

... okay, not really.

But who needs to write a blog post when someone's already done a perfect one for me?

Most of you know that Jackie is my best friend and is also a professional photographer. She's been gracious enough to do my maternity pictures and newborn pictures for both girls and Bean's newborn(ish) shoot is up on her blog, today!

Check out the favorites!

photos c/o Jackie Ranson Photography

Thanks, best friend! I love them!

Don't forget to enter my Ava Anderson $20 credit giveaway!

A Glimpse into Gingham Wonderland

There was once a shirt that I loved so dearly...

... that I based the design of a whole entire nursery on its gingham glory.

And although the finishing touches have yet to be made (artwork hung, crib skirt completed, clothes put away...), I wanted to show you a few glimpses into Bean's room. It's probably tied with S' room for my most favorite in the house. Eventually, I plan to love our room just as much, but we've really concentrated on the designs of our girls' rooms and we're really proud!

Every part of the room is "my favorite," because I put a lot of thought into the design, but topping it all has to be the gingham wall that Husband painted. It was taped off 5 different times to get the three shades (ultra white, daisy, and yukon gold - Valspar). I'm so pleased with how it turned out!

mobile: from Target (was Little S'), lantern: Target, rocking horse: my Nanny made it (it was mine), books: gifts from friends (Mell, Angie, Gabi, Joe), Eiffel Tower bank: gift from Mell, bitty gold toe shoes: Old Navy

My *second* favorite part of the room (and first favorite item) has to be our glider/ottoman, which was gifted to us by my MIL. We helped some, but she really went out with a bang on this. I fell in love with it at Babies 'R Us and it was ours. I got the lumbar pillow in gold ikat print on Etsy. 

 After Hubs was done with each shade of paint, I covered S' old pink baskets to match the gingham wall. These house burp cloths, receiving blankets, and bath linens and are on the bottom shelf of the changing table.

 And we heart cloth! Our cloth diapering endeavor has gone wonderfully so far and I'm so glad my best friend, Jackie, got me on the bandwagon. She's cloth diapering her third girl and it's her first go-round with it, too, so we're bouncing off of each other and it's going so well. I really love it and can't imagine going back to disposables! Here's half of our newborn stash all clean and fluffy, ready for a sweet little bum!

As I complete the room, I'll be doing a video tour of both of the girls' bedrooms so you can see how much work we've put into them and where our bitties live!

Don't forget to enter the Party Works giveaway!

Goings On

I don't know how long my posts will be sporadic. I think I had more faith in myself as a good blogger when Bean was first born. Now, as a first time FULL TIME breastfeeding mom (I supplemented and pumped for S), I realize how velcro my child is. Husband finally got to see, yesterday, how much time I do NOT have to get things done because Bean likes to nurse pretty much all day long. Her nights are getting better, with waking up every three-ish hours, but day time is nuts. In the meantime, I'll share a few things that have made me smile over the last few weeks.

Apparently Boppy pillows aren't just for babies. Bella thinks it's the perfect shape to curl up in for an afternoon snooze.

 I always knew my girls would be my everything, but my heart still feels like it's jumping out of my chest. I've never felt more complete in my life. I'm exhausted, but so, so happy.

Seeing them play together already is the best. 

Bean and S have so much hair! Look at S' long, platinum prettiness. I'm so jealous of that hair color! And Bean's brown hair is still stumping us all, but I almost hope it stays dark so she can be different! If she turns blonde like the rest of us, though, she'll come by it honestly. I can't believe how big she is!

Bean Stats:

5 weeks, 1 day old

(at 4 week appointment) - 21.5" and 9lbs, 3 oz.

That's two inches longer and two pounds, two ounces up from birth!

This is what consumes my life right now, so it's what I'll be sharing. My best friend is heading down with her youngest right now and is spending the week with us. I'm so excited! Bean will finally meet her best friend and get her "newborn" photos taken. And Jackie promised to cook for me. Of course, I'm really looking forward to that. Don't tell her, but I'm praying for another batch of her awesome pasta salad!

When I start wearing clothes again, I'll post them. Promise.

Baby, You're a Firework - A Week Late

Everyone shares their holidays a week late, right? Our first "big event" after Bean was born was July 4th. We didn't travel to visit family, but we had our own little cookout at home and ventured out to the local Town Commons for a beautiful fireworks display. There was a ton of walking involved between the car and the lawn and back. Add a massive stroller system and a toddler and I was super tired and sore by the end of the night. S loved the fireworks with remarks like, "Wow, beautiful!" and "Super cool!" after almost each one was set off. Bean slept the whole time. I'd forgotten how loud fireworks were and freaked out, putting my hands over her ears after the first one, but she was none the wiser.

Bean- dress: Faded Glory (consigned)

Me- dress/flip flops: Old Navy

S- dress: Old Navy, sandals: Target (gift from Aunt Whitney), bow: Local Artist

So I hope everyone had a very happy Fourth of July with friends and family. Better late than never, right?

Mom Jeans?

I'm baaaaaack!

It's been two weeks and three days since my little Bean was born and it's been busy to say the least! Sorry I've been MIA, but juggling the visitors, nursing, sleepless nights, two sweet little girls, and reminding myself to eat somewhere in between has proven too much for blogging! But... I'm here and I plan to keep going forward! Hopefully I can keep up, but I probably won't be updating at my normal rate for a while. Expect to see 2-3 posts a week until I get my bearings on this new life!

 on S- dress: Cracker Barrel, shoes: Kohl's, bow: Local Artist
on Bean- jumper: Baby Gap (consigned)
me- top: Oh Baby, jeans: Charlotte Russe, flip flops (GAH, these are NOT shoes): Old Navy, shades: NY&Co.


I got out of the house yesterday. FINALLY. I feel like I'm on lock-down and it's horrible. I like to go out and be moving and sitting around the house, waiting to heal up from my c-section and being on the baby's schedule has been challenging for me. Now, I realize I'm going to be on the baby's schedule for a long time. Hopefully I can figure out how to nurse outside of the house better! I've tried a few times and neither Bean or I can get comfortable. It's just a mess! I have to have my boppy with me and I forgot to take it around when I got to doctor's appointments or Babies R Us. Man, my life sounds like a ton of fun, doesn't it? IT IS. I swear. I'm so happy with these little girls. Bean has been such a total blessing and S is a wonderful, loving big sister. She hasn't shown any jealousy at all and I'm pretty shocked, to be honest. I'm sure once all the hype dies down and we don't have family coming and going, she'll realize she's not the center of the universe and it'll hit home. I pray for strength on that day.
In more exciting news... I'm wearing my pre-pregnancy jeans already! It took 6 months after I had S and 2 weeks and 2 days after I had Bean! I guess that's the difference between gaining 27 pounds and 50 pounds during a pregnancy. Granted, the jeans weren't comfortable, per se, they were on. Jeans are no bueno for post-cesarean incision pains. Just a tidbit of helpful information if you're ever in my shoes.

 Someday, I'll wear real shoes and dresses again, but for right now, all I can manage is to get dressed in something that's not a nursing tank and yoga pants. Everything has to be nursing friendly, even when I leave the house. I like the little list Kimmie put together about mom attire, here. Check it out!
Glad to be back! I've missed you guys!

Baby Bean: A Birth Story

On June 17, 2012, Miss Bean decided she wanted to come into the world 20 days early. I think she knew I didn't get anything for Hubs for Father's Day and knew the time was right. My parents were in town for a surprise visit and we had a busy weekend planting flowers and grooming the yard. I'd been drinking red raspberry leaf tea for two days and decided to mow the side yard and blow the back and front porches. Perhaps I was trying to help... or induce labor. At 37 weeks, I was super ready for Bean to make her debut. But I knew she wouldn't come until she was ready.

Sunday morning was uneventful. I got up and made french toast and eggs for my family. Around 10:30, I started having some really bad pain around my previous c-section scar. It felt like pulling, stinging and burning. My mom had me sit down with an ice pack and my dad sat next to me and talked me through the pain. It was constant, not coming and going. After about an hour of resting while Hubs and my brother had Little S out on a bike/trailer ride, I felt fine again. I got up and started working around the kitchen when the pain started, again. I collapsed on the floor by my linen closet while trying to reach a dish rag and couldn't get up because the pain was so brutal. This time, it was coming and going, but nothing like the Braxton Hicks I'd been having. I didn't have any cramping or tightening... just that burning, stinging feeling around my scar. Eventually, I got up and went to the bathroom to get sick because the pain was so bad. By that time, Hubs was home and called my OB's office. They wanted to meet me in triage at the hospital to check things out and make sure the baby and I were doing okay.

Once hooked up to the monitors, we found that Bean was doing great, but I was having contractions 2-4 minutes apart. The midwife gave me IV fluids to try and slow things down, but they didn't work. I got a shot in the back of my upper arm of something that's supposed to stop or slow contractions, and that didn't work, either. When she checked my cervix, I was still only 1 cm dilated, so I was moved to another room where I was given another IV medication to try and stop the contractions. The next thing I knew, my OB popped in and told me that because she couldn't see my uterine scar without opening me up to make sure it was okay, she was going to go ahead and take Bean that day.

What I didn't know was that she meant... right now. There was a mere 15 minutes between her telling me I was going to have a c-section and my being on the OR table. It happened so fast and I felt so blessed that my parents were already in town to watch S. The spinal block went much more smoothly than last time and I was ready to go within 3 minutes of getting the medication. Bean made her arrival at 7:08 p.m. on Sunday night and weighed 7lbs, 0.9oz at 19.5 inches long. 37 weeks and 1 day - this child was going to be huge at full term! She started crying and we knew her lungs were strong. There were 6 NICU nurses surrounding her to make sure she was healthy for being so early. Her APGAR scores were 9 and 9, so we knew she was doing great! I was so much more alert than I was with S' birth and so much more emotional. I think it's because I wasn't in labor for 30+ hours before the surgery. 

Bean nursed right away, which is something that I prayed and prayed for. She hasn't stopped since! God provides... let me tell you that. She was only 6lbs, 7 oz when we left the hospital on Wednesday morning, but was back up to 6lbs, 10oz by her first doctor's appointment on Friday. I get my staples taken out on Monday and Bean has another weight check on Tuesday.

As I expected, S was so, so excited to meet her baby sister. She's been nothing but sweet and helpful since meeting Bean and she loves to hold her and sing to her. It's the sweetest thing. I've been a bit overwhelmed with two kids, even though I've had help the entire time I've been home. I just hope I can manage them both. Yesterday, S stubbed her toe while I was feeding Bean and I couldn't comfort her. She just wanted to be held and as much as I wanted to soothe her, I wasn't able and it broke my heart. She just wanted her mommy.

S and Bean meet for the first time.

Gigi (my mom) with both of her granddaughters

My sweet little girls together

Bean was supposed to get her hospital pictures taken, but we had a mishap and I kicked the photographer out of the room! She said she'd come back on Tuesday, but was a no-show. This (onesie from Aunt Whitney and headband from Mellisa) is what we intended for her to wear.

 This is how S entertained herself for much of the time she visited us in the hospital.

Hubs snuck into my bed with Bean while I grabbed a quick shower.

Me and my girls!

S and I had a little dance party right before I was discharged from the hospital.

 S and Bean had matching dresses for going home - This is the only picture I got of the dresses together!

 Going home!

 Bean wore elephants from Aunt Jackie. They were meant for her littlest to come home from the hospital in, but her Baby S was too big! In a yellow receiving blanket from Mommy Moxie, Bean shows off her Rod Stewart-esque locks, post-bath.

 My brother has been staying with us for a few weeks and after S saw him holding Bean, she wanted to be held like a baby, too. 

 Bean has the same gassy "ooo" face that her sister did! And she commandeered my snuggle blanket for her own.

 Squishy.

My sweet, sweet angels... How blessed am I?