Baby Bean Update: 36 Weeks & Mommy Moxie Winner!

First of all, I am officially dubbing myself the bravest plus-sized, pregnant style blogger because I'm posting 36 week pregnancy photos of me in a bathing suit.

#winning

Also, this has been my uniform as of late and I didn't wear anything else today, so...

 bathing suit: Merona for Target (last year-not maternity), flip flops: Old Navy

Well, you can't really see me anymore than that, right? This is Bean and me at 36 weeks and 1 day. Please excuse my amazingly sexy tank top tan lines. I've been wearing a tank top in the sun for the past year and a half while watching kids run around, so I think it might be semi-permanent. 

In other news, I touched up my roots (by myself! without a box!) and then got some highlights just to make things really evened out for my maternity pictures, which were yesterday. My best friend, Jackie, was here with her two youngest girls and we had a BUSY time. Crazy busy. But it was awesome to have her here and I can't wait 'til she gets back to stay for a week after Bean's born.

Pregnancy? Well, it's going... slowly. You know that hip adductor machine at the gym where you have the weights between your thighs and press together? Or maybe you'd understand riding a horse better... Either way, I feel like I've been doing those for a week straight. My inner thighs are killing me and I have absolutely no idea what the deal is. Pressure? Anyone experience that before? My hips, pelvis and low back (especially on the left side) are hurting all the time and about 75% of the time, my left bum cheek and left leg are numb/sore (sciatica). Being in the pool is 100% my favorite feeling right now, because it takes all the pressure off of my ginormous body. Oh, also, swelling is so happening. My flip flops and fake wedding ring no longer fit. So, yeah. Needless to say, I thought I was ready before, but I'm super ready, now. We have our 36 week appointment on Wednesday and are having an ultrasound for size and position. I pray that she's head down and wants to come out on her own before my surgery date. If not, oh well. It's in God's hands.

Big thanks to Mommy Moxie for having the awesome giveaway last week on my blog! We had a great turnout with 95 entries and the winner of the maternity hospital gown is MICHAELA! Congratulations! Michaela said she was going to use the gown as a shower gift for one of her many friends who are expecting soon.

If you haven't visited the Mommy Moxie shop recently, stop by! You can now order your own The Little Bit hospital gown and there are some awesome new items in the shop, too! Check out the Custom Minky Crib Sheet and Custom Changing Pad Cover! I'm definitely going to be getting one of those changing pad covers. Too cute!
If you entered the Mommy Moxie Giveaway last week and are interested in receiving a 20% shop discount on your next purchase, please email me for a special promo code!

The Hospital Bag

I don't know about other moms, but I've written, re-written, and re-re-written my list for packing the hospital bags. I have one for Bean and I and one for Big Sister S. She won't be staying at the hospital overnight, but we got her some sweet things that will hopefully make her feel very special, involved, and appreciated. I keep panicking that I'm going to forget something super important or pack way too much that I won't need. Remember, I've done this before, so I'm not a total novice. I just feel so much more last minute and unprepared with Bean than I did S. I don't know why. 

via Pinterest

I found these two lists on Pinterest and printed out yet another. Some of the items on these lists, I find necessary. Some are obviously extras. And some are things I totally didn't think of - like spending money. I forgot that if I want Husband to stay with me, I'd better hand over some cash so he can get food from the hospital. Sure, I can pack snacks... but is that really going to hold him over? Here's the other thing: We live 2 miles from the hospital, so really, if I forget something or he's hungry, he can just run home and get those things.

via Pinterest

That said, I've packed the bags and know that I need one more tanktop that's in the dryer right now and to grab my blow dryer on my way out the door (I need it for my maternity pics this weekend!). Other than that, I feel pretty stocked up. I'm not brining diapers and wipes because I know our hospital provides them. But I'm bringing my own lotion for her because I don't want them to put that pink Johnson & Johnson's all over her! Basically, I want to know from those with experience - 

What did YOU bring that you felt was super necessary? What did you pack that you didn't use once? And what do you wish you'd packed?

The countdown is on - 24 days left 'til the official D-Day. And if I go before then, THANK HEAVEN! I've got to get these last minute details wrapped up and I'd love your advice!

Don't forget to head over to the Mommy Moxie Giveaway for your chance to win a handmade maternity hospital gown of your choice!

Baby Bean Update: 35 Weeks

I didn't get a chance to post yesterday, which was 35 weeks. Spending most of the day cleaning doesn't call for any picture-worthy outfits (or hair... or anything, really). This is what I wore to church this morning after trying on four different dresses. Nothing fits and surprisingly, this non-maternity dress was the ticket. Granted, it's a total tent (I obviously belted it, pre-pregnancy), it felt like a weightless nightgown and really, that's all I'm asking for at this point. I couldn't even bear to wear my black heels, so these casual sandals had to fill in and as much as I don't like the two together, sometimes comfort overrules. 

dress: Simply Vera for Kohl's, shoes: Fergie, earrings: Anika Burke 

(30% off your purchase by clicking on the Anika Burke ad on my sidebar!)

35 weeks has been a tough marker for me. I'm seriously at the point where I cry when I open my mouth to talk, everything is in my way or is making me anxious, I'm hungry, but can't eat much, indigestion is like... outrageous, and honestly, when people ask, "How are you feeling?" All I can think of is, "Pregnant." Because if I said what I really wanted to say, they'd look at me like I had five heads and totally didn't appreciate this miracle of life that God has given me the opportunity to grow. And trust me, I AM THANKFUL and blessed and I know it to the core. There just comes a time when the baby should come out. I'd like it to be yesterday.

I have to sit down halfway through music worship at church because my feet get so swollen and I swear that whatever is going on to my left hip/pelvis/back strap better be reversible or I'm going to be icing my body for life. When husband touches me, I tell him it hurts to live. AND my maternity photo shoot is this weekend with my best friend, Jackie. She's the sweetest, most patient, motherly person I know. I hope I don't get her to yell at me... That would be bad. I can just see her suggesting a pose and me saying, "Are you KIDDING ME right now?" 

(Jackie, I promise I'll try to keep my opinions to myself and trust the professional.)

I said I felt like I was carrying a watermelon around. 

My brother corrected me and said Bean looked more like a beach ball.

Gee, thanks.

Also, my back does NOT come out as far as this dress. I told you it's a tent.

Don't forget to stop by for the Mommy Moxie giveaway, tomorrow!

Check out my review, here!

Mommy Moxie Review

A few months ago, I reached out to Nicole, of Mommy Moxie, because I absolutely adored her maternity hospital gown design and use of fabrics. After contacting her, we started to communicate on a regular basis and Nicole asked if I wanted to design my own gown for Bean's arrival. Of course, I jumped at the opportunity, and she did an absolutely wonderful job of incorporating my favorite colors, a gorgeous fabric, and she even took my height into account when creating this beauty! I even got to name it, so check her shop in the future if you'd like your own The Little Bit maternity hospital gown!

These gowns are made especially for moms-to-be who don't want to wear a dingy hospital gown that someone else has already... well, used. With buttons all the way down the back for easy access, but lots of modesty and button shoulders for nursing and skin-to-skin contact, the design is exactly what I was looking for! I needed something that wouldn't show my behind while walking the halls and something that would make breast feeding easy and discreet with lots of visitors. Topped off with a coordinating sash, mom and baby look like a pretty wrapped-up present! I'm so pleased.

 Nicole also creates baby items that you can custom order to match your maternity hospital gown! Bean got a beautiful, bright receiving blanket with matching trim and a little burp cloth! The receiving blanket is even embroidered with Bean's initials (hidden). This whole package is going to be so special for our stay in the hospital and makes me feel so prepared and coordinated. Visit Mommy Moxie for beautiful handmade items that will be perfect for expecting mommies and their new babies! I know I can't wait to put these to use.

Special thanks to Mommy Moxie for providing these items for me to review! I will also be posting hospital photos after we get home so you can see it all in (post) action. I'm going to be one of the prettiest  moms in the hospital and I can't complain about that!

Stay tuned for a special Mommy Moxie GIVEAWAY coming on Monday!

Baby Bean Update: 34 (point five) Weeks

My parents and brother spent the weekend here for Memorial Day, so I didn't get to do a baby update! I'm so glad they came, though, and left my brother. Now I have someone here with me other than Little S while Husband's at work all day. It's good to have that security in case of an emergency! I became 34 weeks pregnant on Saturday, May 26, and today's May 29! That means ONE MONTH until d-day at the latest!

top: c/o maurices, jeans: Motherhood, sandals: Fergie

4.5 weeks. 4.5. weeks. 4.5 weeks. 

Apparently in that last photo, that's all I'm thinking. I definitely forgot to smile. Sorry 'bout that. Also, Readers, meet my Summer Hair. Summer Hair, Readers. I don't blow-dry in 100% humidity. Because, really, that's just dumb. I'm sorry if you choose to fight that battle, but I have wavy, frizzy, baby-fine hair and it's a super huge pain to dry it and have it go all lioness on me within 10 minutes.

So, 34 weeks... Let's see what we're working with, here. Back pain, pelvic pain, lots of contractions, my tummy is SO TIGHT that I feel like it's going to rip open, sciatica in both legs, but mostly the left one, numbness in my left elbow/forearm/wrist (pregnancy-induced carpal tunnel), and major feet swellage... on the other hand, though, I'm feeling happy, hopeful, uplifted, and almost (alllmost) ready. Can't ask for more than that!

Exciting news: Check out Mommy Moxie on Etsy!

I have some awesome things to show you at the end of this week and a fun giveaway coming on Monday!

Don't forget that if you place an order with Bitty Bug Designs through June 15, 50% of the proceeds will be donated to the Fund for Officer James Winslow!

Pink Jelly Shoes!

Yesterday, I had to run some errands and decided I'd feel a lot better if I got out of my ginormous gouchos (I promise I only wear them around the house) and ragged tank top. While searching through my closet, I found this gem of a top that my friends bought for me when I was pregnant with S. I'm so glad it peeked through all the random clothes I can't fit into right now because it also gave me the opportunity to wear my new jelly shoes from Happy Scarf! I never thought I'd want to wear jelly shoes, considering I totally missed the wagon in the 90s and never wore them when they were in style then. However, when I checked them out online, they looked so roomy and airy... and flat. Those all seemed like very necessary details in a shoe while I'm 8-9-10 months pregnant this summer.

You'll have to excuse my pictures. I'm just not the girl who can take her own photos and have good quality. It's an art I don't have time to perfect. This is why Husband takes all of my weekend photos.

 top: Liz Lange Maternity for Target, jeans: Motherhood, jellies: c/o Happy Scarf, earrings: c/o Scarlet Samples

My new shoes were as expected- fit perfectly with a little bit of room to swell (ahem) and VERY light and airy. I was afraid they'd be sweaty, but they totally weren't! The only thing I was a bit disappointment in was the color. I thought they would be more nude like on the website, but they really are a pale pinkish purple hue. I'm okay with that since I have plenty of pink, but I was just hoping for something I could wear with everything!

Don't forget to enter the Bitty Bug Designs giveaway on Blonde Undercover Blonde!

And please visit yesterday's post about our friend, Officer James Winslow. See what you can do to help!

Baby Bean Update: 33 Weeks

Let's face it. I'm not that fabulous mom-to-be who is going to get up each morning and get dressed to run my one errand before cleaning the house, snap a photo of the cute dress I wore for 25 minutes, and write a post about it. Nope. I'm the mom-to-be (and current mom of a 3-year-old) that wears yoga pants and my husband's t-shirts most days because my toddler doesn't care as long as I get on the floor and play with her. I'm lucky if I can get up when we're done (I usually sit against the sofa for the back support and to have something as a crutch to help me up). I look forward to the weekends because I honestly feel like I have a reason to put in the effort to look cute. And for church this morning, I promise I looked a lot cuter than I do right now.

Right now, exhibit A: Same dress I wore to church, sans shoes, make-up, contacts, and jewelry. Add a dash of contractions and pelvic floor pain with excruciating back pain and this is what we have.

dress: Motherhood

So, we're 33 weeks and 1 day into this little game and one of the other pregnant ladies at church this morning said, "Looks like you had a growth spurt over the last week just like I did!" For the first time, I wasn't offended with someone commenting on my size. I feel like a flipping house. And my body feels like a house that's slowly being broken down.

At 33 weeks pregnant with Bean, I am exhausted, having new back pains (higher up in the rib area), tense, have balloon feet and cankles, want to drink 8 gallons of water a day, still can't eat enough watermelon (and now, cantaloupe), have gained a whopping 20 lbs (UGH... so upset about that), have wonderful blood pressure, am having contractions almost every day that scare me to death, can barely reach my toes to paint them, have a hard time sleeping, and still haven't painted the nursery. 

Bean and I also had a big scare on Friday (32 weeks, 6 days). It started Thursday night when I was having some contractions that were less uncomfortable and more painful that my usual Braxton Hicks. I took it really easy and even propped my feet up at bible study (those girls take care of me). When I got home, I was having quite a bit of pain and went straight to bed after drinking a huge hospital mug of water (30 oz). I woke up the next morning with really bad pain in my pelvis and my inner thighs. It all felt like bone pain... very strange. I took it easy Friday morning, but each time I got up to do something like fold laundry or do dishes, I started feeling the contractions, again. I finally decided to call my OB after 4 painful contractions in an hour. She ordered me to go to the hospital and check into Labor and Delivery triage. So, I packed a small bag for S and I, called my husband, and we all met at the hospital. I was crying the entire time I was trying to find a parking space because I was afraid I was in preterm labor. After 5 hours of observation, my midwife concluded that my contractions were coming, but they weren't strong and weren't causing me to dilate at all. We had an ultrasound and Bean looks good, her fluid is perfect, and guess what... She's not breech anymore. Maybe a lot of the pains I was having were due to her flipping around. 

Anyway, I'm supposed to take it easy, keep my feet propped up, and of course call if I have any other symptoms. I really have been doing just about nothing and once again, my house is getting into a state that I highly dislike. But for Bean's and my health, I really do have to just suck it up right now. If you read my VBAC vs. Repeat C-Section dilemma, it was made even more confusing after discussing the option with my midwife on Friday. And honestly, the more I read, the more stressed out I get. I watched "The Business of Being Born," as suggested by some moms I talk to in a facebook group. That was of no help, because hardly anyone (if anyone at all) in the documentary was having a VBAC. And the risks of both types of birth weigh equally in my mind. But the one thing I keep reading everywhere is that if the reason for cesarean in your previous pregnancy is still a factor, your chances of a successful VBAC are much lower. Well, I think failure to progress and not being able to deliver a 7 lb. 5 oz. baby are still factors. So, here's the big verdict that husband and I have come to agree on:

If I go into spontaneous labor before my scheduled c-section date, I will try for a VBAC. If I do not go into labor before my scheduled date, we'll continue with our prior plan for a repeat c-section.

Don't forget! The Bitty Bug Designs Giveaway over at My Ramblings ends TOMORROW. Get your entries in!!!

VBAC vs. Repeat C-Section

Hey, friends. This post isn't going to be like any other I've written. I'm really struggling with a huge decision and would love to ask for input if you have any experience, friends or family with experience, or an opinion either way. Before I move forward, I would like to share with you that my toes look like sausages. I love foot swelling.

Onward. 

At my 30 week check-up, I asked the practice's midwife if I would be a good candidate for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). She wasn't a part of the practice when S was born, so she didn't feel like she knew enough to give me an honest opinion. She did, however, say that if I had to have a c-section with a 7lb. 5 oz. baby (ie: average) and didn't dilate with pitocin, my chances probably weren't that great. So, I kind of brushed it off and forgot about it, moving along with all plans for Bean to be born on June 29, as scheduled. Well, I went to my 32 week appointment yesterday, and this time it was with my OB. She said the midwife talked to her about my questions and thought I'd be a fine candidate for a VBAC. She discussed some of the same things with me about S being fairly average in size and not having been able to give birth vaginally before. But I was also induced early for high blood pressure, and I'm not sure Little S was ready to come as soon as the doctors were ready for her to be out for both of our safety. Because of the induction, I never got to spontaneously go into labor or try to labor by myself, when the baby was ready to make her grand exit. 

All of that said, there are risks and benefits to both a VBAC and a repeat c-section. But honestly, the repeat c-section sounds a heck of a lot scarier to me. I was so afraid that because I had an emergency c-section before, a staph infection in the wound, and a 14 week recovery period, that my scars were different and more high risk for a VBAC. But my OB assured me yesterday that my skin is what was infected, not my inside incisions, and although my scarring is different on the outside, it's not on the inside. So that fear is lifted. I also know many short women, like myself, who have had vaginal births. I was told last time that my pelvis must've been too small because S never made into the birth canal. Like I said, though, I just don't think she was ready. It was my first pregnancy and if it wasn't for medical reasons, I probably would have gone 40 or 41 weeks like several first time moms that have spontaneous labor. 

I'm not afraid of a c-section. I know how it works, so if I try the VBAC and end up with a c-section anyway, I'm okay with that. At least I tried, right? Or am I crazy? I'm small, couldn't birth an average sized baby the first time, and there are some inconveniences that come along with this option. Not only can you not be induced after you've had a c-section (well, you can, but my doctor does not do it because it greatly heightens the risk of uterine scarring), but my whole schedule that I've had in stone since we found out about our scheduled c-section in January would be totally scrapped. I'm a planner, family has taken time off work, rented cars, booked hotel rooms... My BIGGEST thought about it all is that this is my last chance. We're not having any more kids after Bean. If I want to try this, this is the only chance I'll get. And as much as it'll stink for people who have made plans (and trust me, some will be angry), this is my and my husband's decision. I can't be wrapped up in how it will effect other people. 

Here's where I stand right now -

I honestly still have no idea what to do. I've read and read and asked advice. I think at my next appointment, I will ask for an ultrasound because I've been told several times that the baby feels like she's breech. If she is, I think I'll probably just go with the c-section, because neither of us need to go through that to follow through on some great dream I have. My OB felt her yesterday and said she thinks that it's a bum where people have been telling me it's a head. So, she might be in the right direction, but we really don't know. If she's head down, I think I have a really big decision to make at the end of the month. I'm scared... of the unknown. And of the unscheduled. But I've wanted this experience ever since I started thinking about having children and for the opportunity to present itself after I didn't think it was possible seems like a huge blessing and message.

Not to mention, it's been researched and proven that VBAC delivered babies have a much higher success rate of nursing than repeat CS babies. And that is so important to me.

Baby Bean Update: 32 Week Update

I'm wondering exactly how much bigger I can get.

That's really all that's on my mind. That, pain, and watermelon.

Apparently, I'm also neighborly and Husband catches me waving.

 hi-lo ruffle top: c/o Anika Burke, tank: Maurices, jeans: Motherhood, sandals: Target, necklace: family heirloom, bracelets: c/o Anika Burke, "wedding ring:" fakeout while mine don't fit from Kohl's ($9, yeah!)

 Bean is moving non-stop, which is awesome because I had some time where she didn't move about a week ago and again on Thursday. It was kind of scary, but I drank a ton of ice water (60 oz!), laid on my left side, and she started up again. Phew! I'm not exactly sure if there's any more growing room in there, but I'm feeling pretty healthy other than the back pain and Braxton Hicks contractions. Those babies used to feel like pressure and now they're pretty painful. Yuck! And it's practice for what? My c-section. Nice.

 

 In other news, I don't hate my hair anymore. I was having such a hair color identity crisis over the past few weeks and I'm really over worrying about it all... It's not so bad. Husband and my friend, Mell, really like it with a little bit of roots showing. I think I do, too. I was quick to think it needed to be touched up, but I think it looks less harsh against my skin with the darker roots. What do you think? You know, since my hair is the topic of conversation as of late.

In other, other news, I am so excited about my new bracelets and Light as a Feather top from Anika Burke! I received these items in the mail last week and couldn't wait to wear them! I also received a beautiful ivory bow belt with a sweet note that suggested I wait until Bean is born for comfort. If you haven't had the chance to pop over to Anika Burke, check them out on Facebook and Twitter, too! If you haven't noticed (ahem), if you check out the little ad on my sidebar, YOU can receive 30% off of your Anika Burke order by using the code LITTLE-BIT. Go 'head. Treat yourself!

* Anika Burke Junior Clothing * Anika Burke * Anika Burke Eclectic Boutique * 

In the otherest of newses (I'm so making up words, here), I have some exciting giveaways starting this Monday, May 14 for those of you interested in my new shop, Bitty Bug Designs! I'm so excited to be spreading the word and sharing products that I'm passionate about! I've worked so hard on starting up my stock and I'm excited to begin custom orders as I build fabric inventory. Please stay tuned to find out where you can enter to win some Bitty Bug swag! Special thank yous go out for all of the support I've had and if you haven't, yet, follow Bitty Bug Designs on Facebook and Twitter!

Baby Bean Update: 31 Weeks

Ohhh, 31 weeks. We have seven weeks and 4 days until Bean comes. As soon as that sounds when I type it or say it out loud, it really feels like ages and eons away. I am so ridiculously uncomfortable and there just isn't enough room for a whole lot more stretching. I'm praying and praying that my previous c-section scar stays in tact with how low the baby is and how much pressure I feel. Quote of the week from innocent bystander: "Hold onto Jesus, girl." That was in reference to how big I am and how much longer I have left.

 dress: Old Navy Maternity (gift from Whitney), shoes: Sbicca from Ross

I sang the National Anthem at the Down East Walk to Defeat ALS on Saturday morning and it wasn't horrible, but it didn't go as well as I'd hoped. As much as I'd practiced, I really thought I would nail it, but I was so nervous and shaky that I felt like I had no control over what was coming out of my mouth. Fortunately, I stayed on pitch and hit the high notes just fine. It just sounded like I had an outrageous vibrato since I was shaking so badly. And I was EXTRA uncomfortable because the MC was quite literally 6 inches away from me. I wanted to move, but couldn't make sense of sashaying 4 feet to the right in the middle of the song. Anyway, I wore this and it was light, breezy, comfortable, and almost patriotic. Thanks, Whitney, for buying it for me!

Symptoms include, but are not limited to: Lots of baby rolling around movements and not so much jabbing, long spurts of baby not moving at all and giving me serious anxiety, Braxton Hicks contractions that are getting stronger and a bit painful, growing bigger every day (so much so that maternity clothes that fit me two weeks ago are too tight, now), cravings for watermelon and strawberries (strawberries replaced pineapple due to the pineapple contractions), swelling in my hands, ankles, and feet, low and mid-back pain... I guess it's all normal. I'm thankful that I'm not nauseated, but still can't believe that my symptoms are so strong and I'm so uncomfortable and I still have almost 2 months to go!

 My husband thinks it's hilarious to start walking around me like what he thinks a fashion photographer would do, point the camera in my face and moving all fast at different angles, saying stuff like, "Oh yeah, that's good. Yep, like that! Keep posing. Smile, pretty lady." Sometimes I laugh. And sometimes I'm really pregnant, hot, uncomfortable, and hungry... so I look like this.

Two of my best girlfriends, Whitney and Jen, sent lots of awesome stuff for Bean and S this weekend. Well, Whitney visited (ie: no blog post over the weekend) and brought the stuff from Jen (and Jim!). Bean has enough clothes to probably wear 3 outfits a day for her first 3 months. And she has a sporadic sprinkling of jammies, onesies, and t-shirts for 6, 9, and 12 months. I hope that eventually, she'll fit into S' stuff, but they're so far off season that I'm not sure how it'll all work out. I guess spring and fall are pretty interchangeable as far as weather goes. I'll have to investigate the attic. S got some princess makeup (don't worry- it's for liiitttle girls), shoes, and a big sister/little sister doll set. SO CUTE! My little girls are so blessed to be so loved and I'm blessed to be loved and taken care of. 

Turquoise & Magenta

I've only worn this dress once before and decided it was time to break it out, again! I love the color and how pink is almost as versatile as black! I also decided I won't be wearing belts for a whole lot longer because as much as it's not too uncomfortable to wear one, there really just isn't space for them. Even the skinny ones!

 dress: Old Navy Maternity, belt: Old Navy, shoes: Target, necklace: The Body Shop

I love getting dressed for bible study. It's about the only thing (along with church) for which I get really excited to put on a dress. Sure, I dress myself when I go out on errands with S, but I don't wear dresses all the time. Those cuffed jeans are sort of my zone right now. I'm alright with that, though. Jeans = getting dressed, right? 

One Last Cool Weather Day

I wore this to church on Sunday but had such a painful day that I forgot to photograph it! I put the whole McDeal back on just to take pictures in my awesome back yard just so I didn't miss out on sharing! I do think this is the last time until Bean comes that I'm getting this skirt on. It didn't want to come over my top or my bottom... That felt pretty good.

I was planning on editing out our less than attractive grass and the sidewalk chalk all over my porch, but you know what? This is my life. I kind of love it... minus the grass. Having S' art work all over our porch makes me happy every time I open the curtains! As soon as it rains, I ask her to go out and fill it all up, again.

 top & skirt: Old Navy, scarf: c/o Happy Scarf, belt: New York & Company, boots: Silhouettes

Bean and I had our 30 week appointment yesterday. She's perfect and we're right on schedule. No VBAC for me, at least I got some answers and understand the decision. I'm so ready to meet this little one!

I Remember When...

image c/o Jackie Ranson Photography

In the above photo, I was about 28-29 weeks pregnant with Little S.

I remember when... I got pregnant with your big sister and I was only 24.

This time... I got pregnant with you at almost 28.

***

I remember when... we felt prepared and things came so easily.

This time... money is tighter and I'm anxious.

***

I remember when... S didn't move much and I would worry.

This time... I feel so specially bonded with you because your schedule is predictable.

***

I remember when... all I ate were sugar cookies because I thought I was invincible.

This time... I'm smarter, eat healthier, and move more.

***

I remember when... most of my friends thought I was crazy to be having a baby.

This time... most of my friends are having babies or thinking about having them, too.

***

I remember when... there were baby showers and gifts and overwhelming love and emotions.

This time... we're doing a bit more on our own, but everyone loves you just as much.

***

I remember when... pregnancy happened so fast and seemed so easy.

This time... time is standing still and my body is having to work so much harder.

***

I remember when... I thought maternity clothes were sweatpants and Daddy's t-shirts.

This time... I take better care of myself and make sure your home looks as cute as possible.

***

I remember when... stretch marks were painful, but a little bit funny.

This time... they're painful and I know the real truth- they're here to stay.

***

I remember when... finding out we were having a little girl was the most exciting moment of my life.

This time... I felt the exact same way.

***

I remember when... I tried to be perfect and always keep the house spotless.

This time... your big sister makes sure that's not at the top of my priority list.

***

I remember when... we had a master bedroom, a guest room, and an office.

This time... we have a master bedroom, your big sister's room, and your room.

***

I remember when... I vacuumed just to see triangles in the already clean carpet.

This time... I vacuum to remove the dog hair and toddler crumbs.

***

I remember when... all I ever wanted to be was Mommy.

This time... I feel like our family is being completed and my dream has finally come true.

Little Bean, 

It may be tough to grow you, prepare for you, and fathom how life will be when you get here. But I hope you can hear it when I talk to you- you're so special, so important, and such a pivotal piece of our lives. Your big sister kisses you in my belly and calls you "Baby Sissy." She wants to teach you how to eat with a spoon, walk, run, jump, and play with toys. I was afraid Daddy would be sad that you were a girl, but he knows what it's like to have a Daddy's Girl and I'm learning that he can't wait to have another. Just try and be interested in his "special car" when you're big enough to understand and it'll make him smile from ear to ear. On warm, sunny days, your big sister loves to go for rides in it with the wind blowing her hair back while she yells, "Go fast! Go fast!" It's going to be very hot when you come home, but I know you won't mind because it'll be cooler than what you're used to in there. I hope we can go swimming before the summer is over, even if it's only in the baby pool in our back yard. You belong here with us and Mommy, Daddy, and S are so excited to meet you. I hope you're having fun and growing big and healthy in my belly because no matter how hard it is, you're going to have a wonderful life. If anything, your family has more love to give than anyone I've ever met. We love you, Bean.

Love,

Mommy